I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
