Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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