omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize