thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
