Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
