i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
