Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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