It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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