I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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