its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
