she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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