before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
