i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.