I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I need to calm my uterus...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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