Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
