Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
19 People Confess The Craziest Sex Act They’ve Ever Participated In
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
17 People Admit the Worst Thing They’ve Done To a Server
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.