Texts From Last Night

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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord

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  (570): i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord http://tfl.nu/ym53
  Replies (10) Good night (2912) Bad night (769)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.

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  (608): You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied. http://tfl.nu/sqjw
  Replies (10) Good night (4309) Bad night (704)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had

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  (614): this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had http://tfl.nu/9bpx
  Replies (7) Good night (6115) Bad night (663)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  making cat noises will not fix the situation.

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  (602): making cat noises will not fix the situation. http://tfl.nu/m8sq
  Replies (6) Good night (3349) Bad night (1098)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."

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  (330): Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy." http://tfl.nu/8mx4
  Replies (15) Good night (3677) Bad night (939)
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  (949): View more from California

  the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters

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  (949): the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters http://tfl.nu/l7fh
  Replies (39) Good night (5018) Bad night (994)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.

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  (514): i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/xhhe
  Replies (25) Good night (1052) Bad night (6306)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins

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  (757): Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank" (201): hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins http://tfl.nu/g5wh
  Replies (41) Good night (4579) Bad night (1427)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.

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  (512): Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food. http://tfl.nu/f716
  Replies (19) Good night (1779) Bad night (4079)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it

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  (781): if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it http://tfl.nu/706q
  Replies (4) Good night (3955) Bad night (1770)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.

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  (610): I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed. http://tfl.nu/xw1f
  Replies (6) Good night (3065) Bad night (905)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!

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  (410): She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success! http://tfl.nu/k1zi
  Replies (10) Good night (1791) Bad night (584)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives

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  (513): I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives http://tfl.nu/f744
  Replies (6) Good night (1754) Bad night (468)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.

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  (604): We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life. http://tfl.nu/xwcn
  Replies (0) Good night (645) Bad night (203)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.

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  (502): I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going. http://tfl.nu/r4ch
  Replies (1) Good night (332) Bad night (285)

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