well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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