I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so let's talk penis.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
