porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
