dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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