i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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