I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
