You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
