Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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