His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.