I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house