After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.