fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
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You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
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My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.