Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.