He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
