my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
