We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
