I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
