someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
