id be glad to
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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