too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
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he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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