Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
