I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
