you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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