It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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