So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
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i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
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This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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