Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
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i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
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If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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