i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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