question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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