i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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