How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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