So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
