I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
