My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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