So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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