help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
soo... how was my night?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
