She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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