i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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