Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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