Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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