Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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