i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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