This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
