That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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