he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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