R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
