I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize